{That one time} I took a yoga class

yoga class

My first real yoga class: an inner monologue

So ready to get my yoga on, here we go. This is gonna be great. Only four people…hmm..small class. But that’s cool, I mean less distractions and whatnot. Wow it’s kinda warm in here and we haven’t even started yet. Whatevs, this is yoga, I can train my mind to ignore the discomfort. So everyone else seems to know each other and no one else is sweating yet. Is no one feeling this heat but me? Whew. Okay this is good. I was cold before…you know July being a chilly month and all, so this is good.

“How many of you have done yoga before”

Well I did yoga on that iPhone app…so that probably counts. And Piyo is part yoga…hence the ‘yo’ so that probably counts too. I’ll just raise my hand. It will make me look more experienced.

“I want you to just sit comfortably on your mats and just breath.”

Breath? I’m pretty sure I breath everyday, I don’t need a yoga instructor to tell me how to do it. This is going to be a long hour if all we’re doing is breathing.

“If you’re really focused you can completely clear your mind. The thoughts will still come but you won’t think about them.”

I am SO focused right now. Look at me sitting on my yoga mat, breathing. I look like a legit yoga-doer. Oh right, no thinking. Okay. Empty, empty, empty. Crap, I forgot to empty the trashcans. I should probably wash them out too. And tomorrow is mopping day. I really should buy a new mop, I hate mine. Shoot, I’m supposed to be focused here, no thoughts. Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out. I’m not thinking of anything.


Okay we’re standing now. Finally I get to move, my legs were cramping up. Stretching up, but keep breathing, but push my tailbone out, and push my heart to the sky and clear my mind. Tailbone out. Deep breaths. Forward fold down. Ah! That hurts. I am not as flexible as I once was. Down into a plank, well I can do this. Start to lower down. Pause. Why are we pausing? My arm are going to give out. All the way down. I hope that looked more graceful than it felt.

Yeah I don’t think bodies are meant to do that. Does she even have bones? Okay now she’s looking at me all expectantly, maybe I’m supposed to try it. So….shoulder under knee, walk the hands up, raise the back leg, ooph! Yep that was my face. So that must be what yoga mats are for, cushioning the face plant. Whatevs, I don’t think anyone saw. Man, I am so tired. Glad that part is over. Other side?! We have to do it on the other side now?
Well this side is probably stronger than the other one. I’ll give it a go. Nope! Nope. Not stronger. Definitely not stronger. I wonder if I have a bruise on my nose.

“Tilt your tailbone out while at the same time pulling it back in to your shin, remember to keep your deep rhythmic breaths, lift your heart to the sky.”

How can my tailbone go in two directions? This seriously doesn’t seem right. She’s coming over here. Here she comes…what do I do? Am I doing it wrong? Crap. Maybe she can see through my facade and knows I haven’t really done yoga before. Just smile and look like you know what you’re doing.
And she’s touching me. This is so awkward. Oh. Well that actually does feel a lot better. This feels good. Ooo I’ve been wondering how to stretch that. Wow. I could hold this all night. This is incredible.

“Smile. Look at what your body can do!”

Check me out! I’m awesome! Who else is noticing how awesome I am right now? Nice, laying down. This is the best. Okay rotate my tailbone into the floor while raising one leg. That’s kind of hard. Oo I got it! I got it. Is anyone looking? No, right they’re all focused on what they’re doing. That’s normal.
This corpse pose is amazing. I’ve never felt so relaxed in my entire life. I think I might actually be melting into the floor. Literally. I think it’s happening. Am I a puddle right now? Oh right, I’m supposed to not be thinking again. Empty the brain. Clear. Open. Wide. White. Empty. I wish I could just go to bed right now. I would sleep so well. I think I might actually fall asleep right…now….
And we’re standing up. Oh, I feel so incredible. My limbs feel like jello. This is great. I’m totally coming back next week. Yoga is the best.

  • Maddy Peterson

    Girl you are too funny! I took a yoga class once and that was enough for me 😛