Bossy’s Losing it: Redefining my WHY

Losing the baby weight this second time around has proven to be much harder than it was with Evelyn. I think with her I was just so eager to be skinny skinny skinny and I only had one baby’s schedule to deal with when trying to figure out meal planning, grocery shopping, and working out.

As you can tell from some of my past ‘Bossy’s Losing it’ posts, I have been back and forth this time. I’ll get some great motivation and lose a few pounds and then hit a bump in the road and end up right back where I started.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I need to do and where I need to be mentally to overcome this. Through this whole journey, my exercise has stayed pretty consistent. I’m still training for my half marathon and it’s going really well! The most I’ve run so far is 11 miles and it was hard but I did it. I’m feeling really good about my progress. The part that I can’t keep up with is what I’m eating.

I’ve been having a rough time with depression lately (another story for another time) and my go to is always food as a comfort. I’ve reached a point in my weight loss where I look good enough. And between my bad eating habits and my consistent exercise, I’ve been able to maintain a weight that’s about 10 lbs more than would be ideal.

So why is it so much harder this time? Why am I so okay with looking good enough? Why can’t I get my head back to where it was after I had Evelyn and stay on the track to weight loss success?

Ultimately it comes down to my WHY. Why am I losing weight? What is my motivation? For so long it was, “I want to look hot” “I want to rock a bikini” “I want people to be so impressed by how great I look” “I want to wear this type of outfit”. That may have worked when I lost weight the first time, but that kind of superficial thinking is obviously not sustainable. Wanting to look good can only get me so far.

So I’ve been trying to redefine my why. It can’t be all about looks because I look good enough. It can’t be based on what other people will think of me because doing something this hard for someone else won’t be worth it. I have to look past the initial weight loss. I have to think in the long term.

Redefining my WHY

This journey is becoming less about making the number on the scale go down, and more about developing a healthy lifestyle. I don’t want my entire life to be an inner struggle about what I can and can’t eat. I wan’t to develop a healthy relationship with food. I want to fuel my body for the kind of activities I enjoy. I want to stop eating so much that I feel sick. I want the things that I eat to give me energy and make me feel good, not guilty and depressed. I don’t want to be ruled by my cravings. I want to have the self discipline to tell my body what it wants, and not listen to the mindless cravings.

This is my new why. In 25 years, when my metabolism slows down, I want to have already overcome this bad eating habits and be able to easily maintain a healthy lifestyle. I don’t want to gain 40 lbs every time I’m pregnant because giving into my pregnancy cravings makes me happy. I’m prepared to treat my body like a two year old. Just because my daughter wants chocolate instead of a healthy lunch doesn’t mean I give it to her. I have to treat myself the same way. Just because my body wants something, doesn’t mean I’ll give in. It’s high time I learn some self discipline and control. Mind over matter.

 

So here we go. This journey isn’t over, and I don’t expect it really ever will be. Developing a healthy lifestyle and breaking a ton of bad habits won’t be easy, but I know it will be worth it in the end.

Bossy’s Losing it Week 12: Getting back on the wagon

Confession time: I know you may think, since I posted about it a few weeks ago, that I have overcome emotional eating. Ha. If only writing about it on my blog made me an instant expert, that would be nice. But no. So the past two weeks or so I fell off the weight loss wagon a little bit.

**Fun historical side note** The phrase “on the wagon” originated during the height of prohibition in the 1890s. It was originally “on the water cart” or “on the water wagon”. A water cart was used to wet dusty roads in the summer. People would say, “Yes I’m thirsty, but I’d rather climb aboard the water cart for a drink than break my pledge to stop drinking.” So if they started drinking again they had fallen off the wagon. Interesting or nah?

Every couple days I would remember and try to eat well but I had no desire to go grocery shopping so we were eating out a lot and I worked out maybe twice in two weeks. I started reaching this point where I forgot why I wanted to lose weight. I was looking in the mirror and thinking, “I think I look good enough…there are plenty of attractive people who are the same size as me. Who’s to say I need to keep working at this?”

What I learned this week:

choose your hard

I didn’t go to weight watchers for those two weeks because I didn’t want to know how much weight I had gained. THIS WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA! If I had gone and gained weight it would have motivated me to do better. If I had gone and lost weight it would have motivated me to keep going.

In my daily facebook scrolling a few days ago, something popped up on my timeline that was a major “Aha!” moment.

“Losing weight is hard. Being over weight is hard. Choose your hard.” I’ve started applying that to every aspect of my life.

Getting up early to work out is hard, but trying to find time to work out during the day is hard. Choose your hard.

Eating right is hard. Having a body running on junk food is hard. Choose your hard.

It helped me remember that I’m not only losing weight to look better but to feel better too. To get back my confidence. To be able to run that half marathon. To comfortably fit into the clothes that I love.

Going back to Weight Watchers this week was the first step. I had lost 3.6 lbs. It was the motivation I needed to jump back on that wagon and get my eating and workouts in check.

So here I am friends. I am flawed but I am trying. It doesn’t matter how slowly I go, as long as I don’t stop.

Stay with me. I know that it’s hard to keep motivation all the time and it’s okay when you fall off the wagon. Just make sure you don’t stay off.

When you get a flat tire do you get out of the car and slash the other three? No. You fix the one and get back on the road.

::

Week 12 weight loss: 3.6 lbs

Total weight loss: 18 lbs

Bossy’s Losing it Week 7: Weight loss Mantra

So remember how I gained weight last week? Turns out it was exactly the motivation I needed to break my bad habits and kick my butt in gear to do better. I definitely made up for it this past week! I lost 3 pounds!!

What I learned this week:

As much as you want to accomplish something like weight loss sometimes it’s easy to forget that’s it’s what you really want and why you really want it. As evidenced by my weight gain last week.

The biggest thing that helped me this week, besides my determination to make up for my gain, was this little diddy that I repeated to myself roughly 50 times a day.
eat to live
Usually after the kids are down for a nap and the house is quiet I like to reward myself with something delicious. I make eating more of an event and less of a source of nourishment.

Repeating this to myself reminded me that there are more ways to enjoy myself and other things I can do besides eating.

When I go out to eat, my initial thought is that if I’m going to go out and spend money I’m going to make the most of it and really treat myself to something delicious.

But this mantra has helped me realize that eating out is not a reason to indulge. It’s not like I’ll never eat out again in my life. My purpose for eating is first to sustain life and second to enjoy what I’m eating.

This isn’t to say that I can’t ever eat purely for the sake of treating myself to some mouth watering morsel of goodness; I still have a root beer float nearly every night. It’s just to remind myself that eating for enjoyment is the exception, not the rule.

Non-scale Successes:

When I started this 7 weeks ago I took a “before” picture and it was not pretty. Maybe when I get to where my after should be I’ll let you see it. But in the before photo I have zero visible muscle definition. I have been periodically taking photo updates and I can see a slight difference.

I can actually see some muscles starting to show up in my arms and legs. And I can see that my body is slowly starting to shrink. It’s a pretty good feeling.

So darling readers, if any of you are going through this weight loss journey like me, it’s time for you to come up with your own weight loss mantra. Think about what motivates you or what will encourage you to kick a bad habit or keep going when you really want to quit. If you’re having a hard time, here are some suggestions:

  • A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips
  • I can do hard things
  • It doesn’t matter how slowly you go, only that you don’t stop
  • I may not be where I want to be but I’m better than where I was
  • If you kinda do it, it kinda works. If you really do it, it really works
  • Success requires a backbone not a wishbone
  • What you eat in private shows up in public
  • If you’re driving and you get a flat tire, do you get out of the car and slash the other three? No, you fix it and get back on the road.
  • The question isn’t can you, it’s will you?
  • Ask yourself if what you’re doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow.
  • Suck it up and someday you won’t have to suck it in

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Week 7 loss: 3 lbs

Total loss: 12.2 lbs

 

Bossy’s Losing it Week 5: Goal Setting

goal setting worksheet

What I learned this week:

Wanting to reach an end goal is all fine and dandy but it doesn’t do you much good unless you make a plan to get there.

I, for instance, want to lose 40 lbs and I can say that all the live long day but there are a lot of steps from wanting to lose 40 lbs and actually doing it. It’s all the little things, the day to day things, that are so critical to overall success.

First you have to make the big goal: Lose 40 lbs.

Then set a time that you want to reach that goal: 5 months.

Next you need to set monthly, weekly and daily goals that lead up to that big 5 month goal.

Monthly: Lose about 10 lbs a month

Weekly: Workout 6 days a week. Jog at least 3 days. Stay within weekly points (weight watchers term).

Daily: Wake up early and workout before the kids wake up. Track everything I eat and stay within daily points (weight watchers again).

So right now, today, 40 lbs sounds a little overwhelming but doing an early morning workout and tracking what I eat for these 24 hours is totally doable and gets me well on my way to that 5 month goal.

goal setting filled out

Non Scale Successes:

Someone commented on how great I look for just having had a baby. Someone else mentioned that they could tell I was losing weight. It’s validating to hear that people notice all the hard work I’m doing.

My workouts have finally become a habit. When my alarm goes off impossibly early I don’t lie there and wonder whether or not I should get up. There’s no question. I just do it. Because that’s what I do in the morning. Bam.

::

Remember how I said I wanted to lose about 10 lbs a month? Well this has been month one and so far I’m right on track! Woo hoo!

Week 5 Weight loss: 2.2 lbs

Total Weight loss: 10.2 lbs

Bossy’s losing it week 4: Building Endurance

losing it week 4

What I learned this week:

Exercise is key for faster weight loss and a more well rounded healthy lifestyle.

The key to exercise is consistency, endurance, and consistency. And those two things really work off of each other.

Allow me to elaborate.

It’s totally possible to lose a bunch of weight by just eating right and not really changing your activity level. But for me, eating seems so passive because it’s such a long term thing whereas when I exercise it feels like right at that moment I am actively losing weight and toning my body.

But the best part is that exercise helps you lose weight faster. My midwife compared it to repentance. She said that you may splurge on food a little here and there but you can make up for it with exercise. Totes legit.

It’s literally like that with weight watchers. You earn points when you exercise that can be turned around and used for food. So if you think ahead, you can literally earn your piece of cake by exercising to get the right number of points.

Plus the more you exercise and become more active to lose weight, the more that is becoming a habit and will be incorporated into your daily lifestyle even after you’ve lost all the weight you want to lose.

So I actually really enjoy exercising but last week I had a hard time getting up early enough to do it, if you remember. So I made a goal that this week I would get up every morning and exercise. That was made a whole lot easier when I got a running buddy! Yay!

I’ve never liked running with other people but with this friend it’s perfect. We’re both at the same fitness level because we had babies like a week apart. And she’s also training for a race. Plus we have a lot in common so it’s easy to find things to chat about while we run. The best part is that neither of us wants to let down the other one, so it’s more motivation to get up and run in the morning. I have gone faster and further since I started running with her and I’m so grateful to have someone to do this with.

But here’s where the consistency/endurance lesson comes in. Because I have been so much more consistent with my exercising this week it’s actually gotten a lot easier! There’s not as many days in between my workouts (read zero days) so my endurance is really building. On Saturday I ended up going 5 miles (4 in one go and 1 in another). My Monday workout DVD seemed a lot easier than usual.

I am actually changing my body and I can totally tell by the way it’s performing!

Which brings me to…

Non-Scale Successes:

So obviously a huge one is that I did my fastest mile this week since I started working out again. It was not fast by any means, but it was the fastest I’ve done yet and that seems like a huge victory for me.

Another big one is that I met my goal of working out everyday! Consistency builds endurance people. I’m cold, hard proof (read: body temperature, squishy proof).

This next one is kind of silly but right after I had Remi, I tried to wear a pair of maternity shorts that hadn’t fit at the end of my pregnancy (pretty much for the last trimester) and still didn’t fit. Sad. I hated that I wasn’t pregnant but couldn’t fit into these maternity shorts. Well this week I tried them on and they fit!! Plus a couple pair of maternity capris that were getting a little tight are pretty dang loose on me now. Yeah…I know they’re maternity clothes…what’s the big deal. Well it’s a big deal to me. Progress people.

::

Week 4 weight loss: 2.4 lbs

Total weight loss:8 lbs

Losing the baby weight again

For most people dieting and losing weight is a daunting task. Usually that’s the case for me too but this time around I’m actually looking forward to losing my baby weight.

Sounds crazy right?!

weightloss again 002

When I went to lose weight the first time after having Evelyn I was stressed and worried and self conscious like nobody’s business. This time, I even gained more weight than I did with Evelyn. Technically I’m at the same number as I was with her but I had a lower starting weight. You would think that I would feel frustrated at being right back where I started but I’m not. Quite the opposite actually.

I remember how empowering it felt to watch the number on the scale go down every week. I remember looking at my before and after pictures and seeing how drastically my body had changed. I remember how good it felt to go shopping and buy clothes in a size smaller than I had ever bought before.

weightloss again 003

^^The second pic is me trying on clothes that I’d have never thought looked good on me before.

I loved seeing how defined the muscles in my arms and legs became. I love the adrenaline of working out and the way I feel when I’m eating right. I am so excited to get back to that place.

weightloss again 006

But I’m not just excited to be that size again, I’m excited about the process of getting there. I’m looking forward to pushing my muscles to their breaking point. I want that feeling of soreness that says, “You changed your body today.” I need to feel that power that comes from intense cardio. I think this time around I can do even better, do it faster, and get even stronger.

I cannot wait to see what my body can do!

weightloss again 004

Last week I started exercising again for the first time in like 2 months or so. I did a moderately good job of keeping up with fitness during my pregnancy but that last trimester kicked my butt. That first day last week that I went for a run, I felt like I was flying. Like a ten pound baby weight had been lifted off my abdomen and suddenly I could move my body again, the way I wanted to.

Don’t get me wrong. It was a hard run and I didn’t go very far. Before I even made it past the first block I was panting and my chest was burning. By the second block I had to walk for a bit. But it didn’t stop me. I pushed myself to go a little further than I had originally planned and at the end I made myself keep running until I got back home, even though I was ready to stop. But I did it. And for day 1, that’s all that matters.

weightloss again 001

Weight Watchers helped me achieve such success last time, that of course I’m using it again! This time around I was able to hit the ground running. Since I’d done it once, I knew what foods I needed to be eating and was able to stock the fridge a few days before I was set to start. When I did it the first time, I had no idea how to be successful or what to eat and it took me a week or so to really hit my stride. Now I can start losing right away and hopefully reach my goal weight even faster.

weightloss again 005

And since working towards something specific is the best type of motivation, I’m planning on running a half marathon sometime in the near future.

Time to get to work. Here goes nothing!