Bossy’s Losing it: Redefining my WHY

Losing the baby weight this second time around has proven to be much harder than it was with Evelyn. I think with her I was just so eager to be skinny skinny skinny and I only had one baby’s schedule to deal with when trying to figure out meal planning, grocery shopping, and working out.

As you can tell from some of my past ‘Bossy’s Losing it’ posts, I have been back and forth this time. I’ll get some great motivation and lose a few pounds and then hit a bump in the road and end up right back where I started.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I need to do and where I need to be mentally to overcome this. Through this whole journey, my exercise has stayed pretty consistent. I’m still training for my half marathon and it’s going really well! The most I’ve run so far is 11 miles and it was hard but I did it. I’m feeling really good about my progress. The part that I can’t keep up with is what I’m eating.

I’ve been having a rough time with depression lately (another story for another time) and my go to is always food as a comfort. I’ve reached a point in my weight loss where I look good enough. And between my bad eating habits and my consistent exercise, I’ve been able to maintain a weight that’s about 10 lbs more than would be ideal.

So why is it so much harder this time? Why am I so okay with looking good enough? Why can’t I get my head back to where it was after I had Evelyn and stay on the track to weight loss success?

Ultimately it comes down to my WHY. Why am I losing weight? What is my motivation? For so long it was, “I want to look hot” “I want to rock a bikini” “I want people to be so impressed by how great I look” “I want to wear this type of outfit”. That may have worked when I lost weight the first time, but that kind of superficial thinking is obviously not sustainable. Wanting to look good can only get me so far.

So I’ve been trying to redefine my why. It can’t be all about looks because I look good enough. It can’t be based on what other people will think of me because doing something this hard for someone else won’t be worth it. I have to look past the initial weight loss. I have to think in the long term.

Redefining my WHY

This journey is becoming less about making the number on the scale go down, and more about developing a healthy lifestyle. I don’t want my entire life to be an inner struggle about what I can and can’t eat. I wan’t to develop a healthy relationship with food. I want to fuel my body for the kind of activities I enjoy. I want to stop eating so much that I feel sick. I want the things that I eat to give me energy and make me feel good, not guilty and depressed. I don’t want to be ruled by my cravings. I want to have the self discipline to tell my body what it wants, and not listen to the mindless cravings.

This is my new why. In 25 years, when my metabolism slows down, I want to have already overcome this bad eating habits and be able to easily maintain a healthy lifestyle. I don’t want to gain 40 lbs every time I’m pregnant because giving into my pregnancy cravings makes me happy. I’m prepared to treat my body like a two year old. Just because my daughter wants chocolate instead of a healthy lunch doesn’t mean I give it to her. I have to treat myself the same way. Just because my body wants something, doesn’t mean I’ll give in. It’s high time I learn some self discipline and control. Mind over matter.

 

So here we go. This journey isn’t over, and I don’t expect it really ever will be. Developing a healthy lifestyle and breaking a ton of bad habits won’t be easy, but I know it will be worth it in the end.

Bossy’s Losing it Week 20: Sugar Fast Results

Apparently it’s either feast or famine with blog posts around these parts. But you know how it goes. Things get crazy around the holidays.

In case you are wondering the sugar fast went surprisingly well. The first 3 days were pretty miserable. I wanted ALL THE SUGAR. But around day 4, every time that craving came around I immediately remembered that I’m not eating sugar right now. The mantra I kept repeating was, “I can have sugar, I just don’t want sugar.”

Thanksgiving was my first day back on sugar and I was really conservative considering we had cinnamon rolls, candied yams, and two kinds of pie. BUT it only took a little over a week for me to just swing right back into my sugar eating habits.

I lost nearly 2 pounds the week of Thanksgiving and I attribute that to my successful sugar fast. And while the fast did help me during Thanksgiving and a few days afterwards, it’s long term effects were not as successful as I had hoped. Unfortunately, that outcome is what kept me from doing another sugar fast before Christmas. I kind of wish I had though. This week before Christmas I’ve kind of been losing control in terms of sugar consumption and that is the one huge thing that the fast did for me.

It gave me the feeling of control. I didn’t feel controlled by my sugar craving, I controlled it and I loved that. I never wondered if I’d be able to say no to the sugary treats that I didn’t even love that much in the first place, there was no question, I just wasn’t eating sugar.

I think I’d like to do another sugar fast and approach the aftermath differently. Maybe I’ll ease back into it and always keep control by always having a limit. For instance, when I start eating sugar again it will only be one sugar-y type something a day or every other day or something like that.

Things in weight loss land have gone a little down hill since my Thanksgiving success. It’s like I planned so much to not go overboard during Thanksgiving that afterwards I just lost it. I haven’t gained any but my loss hasn’t been too big either.

I’m pretty sure that’s because I’m building so much muscle in these weight lifting classes I’m doing at the gym (Power Pump and X Fusion). One week I was sure I had gained 5 lbs from all the Nutella I had consumed but was surprised to find out that I lost .2. Not huge, but better than gaining. I really think it’s because muscle helps you constantly burn more calories. amiright?? (I’m no health guru here…just making guesses.)

Maybe after the holidays I’ll join the rest of the free world and do some kind of sugar or juice fast or something to try and get in gear for New Year’s health resolutions. Or maybe I’ll just start tracking my points again. That would be a good idea too.

I haven’t been to weight watchers in a couple weeks because holidays got me feelin like I’ve gained back everything I’ve ever lost and I’m not really ready for that harsh reality. But next week I start training for my half marathon so I’m hoping that will give me the motivation I need to get back on track.

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Total Weight Loss: -23.8lbs

Bossy’s Losing it Week 16: Bye bye sugar!

  
This Bossy’s Losing It post is long over due. It seems like I only ever feel the need to update my weight loss progress when I’ve been doing horribly and then resolve to do better again. If there’s one main thing I’m learning from this whole process, it’s that a weight loss journey is not one straight path there is a lot of up and down and if you get discouraged at every uphill battle, you’ll never succeed.

Since my last update I have been on a big uphill battle. I found a workout buddy and started some epic challenging classes at the gym that I LOVE! Working out is definitely my thang! But my eating habits have plummeted into..well almost worse than when I was pregnant. Appalling, I know.

My aunt and mom came into town and I flipped a switch and was binge eating while binge watching Nashville which resulted in gaining 2 lbs in one week! Gah!! What is that?! It has been so long since I’ve lost 2 lbs in one week and now I’ve set myself way back.

But instead of missing my meeting and having a pity party, I decided to go into Weight Watchers and get re-motivated to kick this in the butt.

I’ve been thinking for a while now that I eat WAY too much sugar. Sure it fits into the number of points I’m allotted for the day but I can’t sustain this type of eating pattern for the rest of my life. I’m realizing that as I get older it will be harder for me to keep weight off, so I might as well develop some good eating habits now to carry me through those later years.

For a while, Chris and I were going through two cartons of ice cream a week. A WEEK! That’s utter nonsense. Between his high metabolism and me nursing, it hasn’t effected us too badly in the weight gain department. But like I mentioned before, we cannot sustain this lifestyle.

Then I watched this fabulous documentary that I highly recommend. It’s called Hungry for Change and it’s on Amazon Prime right now. Among other things it talks about how sugar is an addictive drug and it’s about time the world starts recognizing the havoc it wreaks on our bodies.

That gave me the extra push I needed to enact a sugar fast. We started yesterday and we carry through until the day before Thanksgiving. My hope is that this fast will kind of reset my body to not crave sugar as much. I need to realize that I don’t need a “dessert” after every meal and periodically throughout the day. We’re even saying goodbye to diet soda for the time being (and probably forever) because it’s essentially like drinking a glass of yummy crap. It might taste good and send happy vibes to your brain but it makes you crave more sugar and actually kills brain cells. Boo.

So far I’m doing pretty well, and so is Chris which is amazing considering he basically lives off free candy at the office.

Instead of saying “I can’t have it” I’ve been saying, “I can have it, I just don’t want it.” Reminding myself that I’m choosing to do this and I don’t need to feel deprived.

Last night instead of watching a show we had a gym date and worked up such an appetite that I had four eggs when we got home. All about that lean protein when trying to build muscle. I wasn’t even sad about not getting my bowl of ice cream.

Today I’m feeling the same way and I’m even loving all these extra points I have to eat that aren’t wasted on treats that leave me feeling hungrier than when I started. My meals have become more substantial and keep me satiated longer than normal.

Now here’s to hoping that I can keep this up for the next 7 days.

 

If I want to keep my lifetime status at Weight Watchers I have to lose roughly 12 pounds in 6 weeks! Eek! It’s time to buckle down and get to work. I always was did procrastinate.

And while I’m working on that, you go watch Hungry for Change. Seriously. It’s eye opening. ::

Week 16 Weight loss: + 2.2lbs

Total Weight loss: 18 lbs

Bossy’s Losing it Week 6: The dreaded weight gain + mindless eating

There are two big things to understand when embarking on a weight loss journey.

001 It is slow. We all want to have lost the weight yesterday but a fast weight loss doesn’t necessarily mean long lasting results.

002 Every week will not be perfect. (Some weeks will be even less perfect than not perfect.)

It’s not fun but it’s pretty inevitable: Weight gain is bound to happen and this past week it happened for me. But the key is to let it motivate you instead of derail you.

Going into Weight Watchers on Tuesday, I knew it wasn’t going to be good. I did pretty well most of the week but kind of lost it on the weekend and never got back on track. It was only a .8 gain but since I know why I gained, it gave me the kick that I needed to fix some bad habits I had been making.

In weight watchers, all food has point values based on how healthy it is and then you get a daily point allowance based on your weight. My daily point allowance is the highest it can be because I’m nursing. It’s pretty fabulous. I can eat a lot and if I eat my main meals really well then there’s plenty of room for dessert.

But I have this little problem. Sometimes I have it in my head that I have so many points that I can eat whatever I want and I’ll eat something before check and see how many points it is.

For instance, this weekend Chris and I went to the movies and I got those little Twix bites to snack on. A regular package of Twix is 7 points so I figured the little bits would be safe. Boy was I wrong. The next day I checked the points and as it turns out, I spent nearly an entire day’s worth of points on a bag of chocolate.

Similarly I decided to make cinnamon rolls from scratch and then proceed to eat them. Like all of them. And I never even bothered to figure out how many points they were. Not really in line with success.

3 weeks goals blank lines

 

^^Since I just love to make goals and fill out worksheets, I made this goal sheet to keep track of what I want to accomplish in small 3 week increments. Scroll down to see how to fill it out.

What I learned this week:

I need to check the points of the food I’m eating before I eat it instead of after. What I’m doing isn’t exactly mindless eating, I’m not just sitting down with a big bag of something and shoving them in my mouth without paying attention to how much I’m eating, but I’m not being mindful in advance and that’s nearly as harmful.

A little planning is all it takes. I can still have those little Twix bites, I just need to check and see how many points they are, decide how many pieces I want to eat and then plan the rest of my meals for the day accordingly.

So I’ve made a few new goals for this upcoming week:

  • Track the points of everything I plan to eat before I eat it. No more of this back tracking and realizing that I went over my limit at noon and just kept on eating.
  • Drink 8, 8oz glasses of water before I have any other liquid. I love me my diet mountain dew and diet A&W but it tends to make me crave other unhealthy things. Water on the other hand helps me stay full longer and plus it’s like good for you or something..
  • Not use any weekly points. To kind of refresh this week and make up for gaining last week, I’m not going to use any of my extra weekly points. But thankfully since I get so many daily points, I won’t feel deprived.

3 weeks goals filled out

 

^^Just grab some cute little star stickers, fill out your goals and rewards and get earning. I kept my 3 week weight loss goal modest so that it will still take some work but it’s a reasonable goal.

One more big lesson this week was that this is not a straight on track journey. I’m going to get derailed sometimes and slip of course but I have to learn from those slips to make them fewer and farther between and not let human mistakes make me feel like a failure.

Non Scale Successes:

It’s hard to feel like I had any success this week but if I count this whole past week as a failure I might as well give up now.

Despite my bad eating this week, I still got myself out of bed at 6am and worked out 6 days this week! That’s huge for me, especially when I’m ready to get back in bed at around 4pm.

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Week 6 weight loss: +.8 (gain)

Total Weight loss: 9.4 lbs

Bossy’s losing it: Week 2

scale

Week two on this weight loss adventure turned out to be a raging success!

What I learned this week:

Only weigh yourself once a week at the same time of day in the same type of clothes. Otherwise you’ll hard core freak yourself out. Or at least I did.

See I have this scale sitting right next to my toilet. There’s really no need for me to have it since I weigh in at Weight Watchers each week. I like it that way because it’s good accountability to have someone looking at my weight loss (or gain) and giving me a pat on the back when I do a great job. There’s something about knowing that someone is going to be seeing that number on the scale each week that makes me want to prove that I can stay on track and lose weight. But I digress.

As the week goes by and I’m totally killing by sticking to my diet (it’s really more of a lifestyle change but we’ll call it a diet for simplicity sake) and exercise, I see the scale just sitting there staring at me.

And the scale says, “Hey, you’ve been doing super awesome the past few days you’ve probably lost buckets of weight. Heck you’re probably back down to your goal weight by now…you should check.”

And I reply, “No scale, the numbers you show me might be some kind of trick. I only weigh myself once a week. I’m not falling for your shenanigans.”

And the scale is all, “But what harm could it do. Think of how happy you’ll feel when you see how much you lost.”

And then I realize that I’ve been talking to an inanimate object and I don’t reply, but instead I step on the scale. And do you know what the scale says?  (Yeah it’s still talking) It says, you haven’t lost any weight you fatty…stop eating. And then I fall into a depression thinking, I’ve done everything right this week..what gives?!

But my husband lovingly reminds me that I weigh in tomorrow at Weight Watchers and to stop freaking out already.

Fast forward to weigh in…I lost 3.6lbs this week!!! What?! Stupid scale.

So the moral of this story is: 1) Don’t talk to scales and 2) Only weigh yourself once a week on the same scale in the same clothing preferably on an empty stomach.

This week’s non-number successes:

I got my jog on again this week and was able to go just a little further and little longer and a little faster than last week. Seriously the numbers are nothing big. But if I can keep doing just a tad better every time I run, I’ll be in good shape.

As far as weight training goes, I’ve been doing Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. It’s always my go to DVD to get back into shape. The workouts aren’t easy by any means but they’re nice a short and I like to use them to ease myself back into exercise.

This week I started level two and once I started getting a little more comfortable with the moves (as in I could almost complete all the reps without stopping, almost.) I decided to combine level two and level three for a longer workout. Whew! It kicked my butt but I was able to do the full 45 ish minutes of a workout that was originally only meant to be 2o minutes. Go me!

But probably the biggest success this week is realizing that I like how I look. I have about 40 extra pounds (give or take) that I’d like to get rid of but when I look in the mirror I’m happy with how I look. No body shaming here people! I’ve learned that if you hate on your body now, nothing is going to change even after you lose that 40 pounds. It’ll never be good enough. Love yo’ self!

Looking ahead:

I mentioned before that I’m planning on running my first race, a half marathon! I’m excited to announce that I’m going to sign up for the Tinkerbell half marathon in Disneyland in May 2016. I know that’s super far off but it’s giving me something to look forward to and work towards. I’m so excited!!

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Week 2 Weightloss: 3.6lbs

Total Loss: 5.2lbs