Pee on a stick day

pregnancy test

I woke up at 4am, as I had become accustomed to over the past several days, and groggily made my way to the bathroom. The pregnancy test was right where I left it, sitting on the toilet lid where I placed it the night before after deeming today “pee on a stick” day.

Roughly two minutes later a little plus crawled across the display window. I couldn’t keep a smile from erupting onto my face and I ran to wake up Chris who was still fast asleep, as any normal human would be at 4am. He wouldn’t believe me until he saw the result for himself.

There was no going back to sleep after that. We hugged, we smiled, we laughed, we could hardly believe that this little plus meant that our lives were changed forever: we were going to have a baby and it was already growing inside me!

We crawled back into bed and dreamed about whether it would be a boy or girl, an athlete or a dancer or a musician or a writer. And then the panic set in, and with it the water works.

Our lives are really changing forever. We will never not be parents after this. And I have to birth a child (and a couple documentaries have shown me exactly what to expect for that). What if I’m a bad mom? What if the kid hates me? What if we don’t have enough money? And there were about a million other what ifs that followed.

But Chris held me and assured me that everything would be alright and thankfully I have roughly nine months to come to terms with our new baby and read and research and prepare.

As much as I didn’t want to, I had to get ready to go to my last day at my internship at Hawaii News Now. Worrying about my pregnancy would have to wait. It was a great last day, and it was definitely newsworthy.

I was heartbroken to learn that on the day I found out I was bringing a child into the world, at least 20 young children were murdered at Sandy Hook Elementary. It sickens me to think of the kind of world this is that crazed people shoot innocent children at a seemingly safe place like a school.

My immediate thought was that I would homeschool my children. And after that started to think about the hardships that my child will have to face in this crazy messed up world.

I’m already starting to think like a mother. And with a steadfast faith in my Father in Heaven, I know that somehow I’ll be able to raise this baby the right way to help it succeed. I have a ton of crazy changes ahead of me and I’m honestly looking forward to every step in this journey.