There’s something interesting about being pregnant. Scratch that. Everything about being pregnant is interesting. But looking back, an interesting part for me was the fact that as you get closer down to D-Day and you’re counting down the days so to speak, you don’t actually know whether anything is going to happen on that day you’re counting down to. It’s a little frustrating. (For most women, obvs some women have scheduled due dates and they don’t have the problem I’m about to describe.)
Looking forward to the birth of your baby is even more exciting than Christmas. And you end up with a far superior toy that anything you could get in a brightly colored package tucked beneath the tree. But you don’t know what day to be excited for exactly. So at the end of your long tiresome 9 months, when you are seemingly the size of a house and move about as well as a hippo on ice skates, there is no definite ending in sight.
But that doesn’t stop you, or me rather, from painting that original due date as a glorious emblem in the sky as if I were a sixteen year old girl (let’s be honest, I did it when I was engaged) doodling her boyfriend’s name all over her notebooks.
So even now, a year later, today is an important day for me and at the same time a day that doesn’t matter because nothing happened. Today is my original due date. I can remember it pretty vividly because I was beyond disappointed. I pretty much knew that she wasn’t going to be born on this day exactly but, like I said, it didn’t stop me from counting down.
For my reminiscing pleasure I’m going to share with you some excerpts from my journal a year ago today:
“Yep, today was my due date. I am still very pregnant and Evie shows no signs of vacating the premises. Today mom took me (and Kensie and Alyna) to get our nails done and then we went back to Kensie’s dad’s house to take a few more maternity shots. We had dinner at Olive Garden and then played at the Nickel Arcade. It was a fun day but it would have been more fun if I got to meet my darling daughter.”
“It’s weird but I sort of feel like none of it is real. I went through the excited phase of getting clothes and blankets and swings but now that I’ve been pregnant for so long it almost just feels like I’m just really fat and I’ll be this way forever. It’s even more surreal that it was in my first trimester. I guess it’s just hard because it’s not like I have one day to look forward to since I don’t know when it’s coming.”
“One thing I do know is that this baby needs to come out soon because I am getting too huge for all my clothes and it is uncomfortable to be alive. Walking, breathing, sleeping, laying, getting up, sitting down, nothing is comfortable. I’ve forgotten what life is like without this enormous belly and soon enough I won’t remember what life is like with the belly (one can only hope). And then I won’t remember life without a child. I’m sure that will be a blessing and a curse all rolled into one.”
A year later I actually am having a hard time remembering what it was like to have a belly that huge. Like seriously. I watched that video and thought it was someone else. I can’t believe I looked like that!
I’m sure over the years as I have more kids, the due dates will become faded in my mind as I try to remember birthdays of various family members and anniversaries and whatnot. But for now, I’ll silently celebrate The Day that Doesn’t Matter.