Losing the baby weight this second time around has proven to be much harder than it was with Evelyn. I think with her I was just so eager to be skinny skinny skinny and I only had one baby’s schedule to deal with when trying to figure out meal planning, grocery shopping, and working out.
As you can tell from some of my past ‘Bossy’s Losing it’ posts, I have been back and forth this time. I’ll get some great motivation and lose a few pounds and then hit a bump in the road and end up right back where I started.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I need to do and where I need to be mentally to overcome this. Through this whole journey, my exercise has stayed pretty consistent. I’m still training for my half marathon and it’s going really well! The most I’ve run so far is 11 miles and it was hard but I did it. I’m feeling really good about my progress. The part that I can’t keep up with is what I’m eating.
I’ve been having a rough time with depression lately (another story for another time) and my go to is always food as a comfort. I’ve reached a point in my weight loss where I look good enough. And between my bad eating habits and my consistent exercise, I’ve been able to maintain a weight that’s about 10 lbs more than would be ideal.
So why is it so much harder this time? Why am I so okay with looking good enough? Why can’t I get my head back to where it was after I had Evelyn and stay on the track to weight loss success?
Ultimately it comes down to my WHY. Why am I losing weight? What is my motivation? For so long it was, “I want to look hot” “I want to rock a bikini” “I want people to be so impressed by how great I look” “I want to wear this type of outfit”. That may have worked when I lost weight the first time, but that kind of superficial thinking is obviously not sustainable. Wanting to look good can only get me so far.
So I’ve been trying to redefine my why. It can’t be all about looks because I look good enough. It can’t be based on what other people will think of me because doing something this hard for someone else won’t be worth it. I have to look past the initial weight loss. I have to think in the long term.
Redefining my WHY
This journey is becoming less about making the number on the scale go down, and more about developing a healthy lifestyle. I don’t want my entire life to be an inner struggle about what I can and can’t eat. I wan’t to develop a healthy relationship with food. I want to fuel my body for the kind of activities I enjoy. I want to stop eating so much that I feel sick. I want the things that I eat to give me energy and make me feel good, not guilty and depressed. I don’t want to be ruled by my cravings. I want to have the self discipline to tell my body what it wants, and not listen to the mindless cravings.
This is my new why. In 25 years, when my metabolism slows down, I want to have already overcome this bad eating habits and be able to easily maintain a healthy lifestyle. I don’t want to gain 40 lbs every time I’m pregnant because giving into my pregnancy cravings makes me happy. I’m prepared to treat my body like a two year old. Just because my daughter wants chocolate instead of a healthy lunch doesn’t mean I give it to her. I have to treat myself the same way. Just because my body wants something, doesn’t mean I’ll give in. It’s high time I learn some self discipline and control. Mind over matter.
So here we go. This journey isn’t over, and I don’t expect it really ever will be. Developing a healthy lifestyle and breaking a ton of bad habits won’t be easy, but I know it will be worth it in the end.